R&B Petty

I’m a 90's kind of girl living in a millennial kind of world! Seriously, I graduated 8th grade, high school and undergrad in ’91, ’95, and ’99 so the 90s were the soundtrack of my formative years. And as much as we (me and my cross-colours wearing compatriots) talk about how epic 90s R&B and hip-hop were compared to the trash of today, we never really discuss the polarizing pettiness of our favorite songs! While I am no musical griot or prodigy, I’m going to list my top 5 entries on the #PettyPrinciplePlaylist in no particular order. And Imma include tracks from the year 2000, because technically, it closed out the decade and pettily its my blog and my list so I’ve imbued myself with the right to do such.

You’re welcome.

1. Get Gone – Ideal

Pettiest lyric: I don’t know if it hurts / To hear me say, all of these words / But then again, I guess right now/ I really don’t care

I think of this song as one of the harbingers of the butthurt negro anthem era. This is Lawrence from Insecure’s theme music when he’s off to ruin someone else’s life (glad you got out Issa!). If you listen to the lyrics, he never ever says what the heck she did to push him to this level of pisstivity. Doesn’t take any ownership for what may have caused the problem that he’s so mad about, go ahead and listen to it, I’ll wait… This song is the equivalent of every dude in his 40s that's still claiming to be the good guy that women ignored for the bad boys. Fam, you still mad cuz the head cheerleader turned you down for prom 20 years ago, so all women don’t deserve you now? Get gone, please!

2. Profyle - Liar

Pettiest lyric: Seven years I have lived this lie/ When inside you made me cry/ Through it all I still remained/ Til you messed up and called me his name

I have trouble selecting the pettiest line from the excellent example of 90s R&B angst because the chorus is a work of art! He so mad he’s taking the kids and the dog, the dog y’all! I think I was more surprised that he was taking the kids, too. But here’s the gag, he put up with her cheating and scheming for seven years, but the straw that broke the pleather-jumpsuit wearing camel’s back is when she called him by another dude’s name! You were chill while she was poppin that coochie all over town, but quick as she said “Tyrone” instead of “Craig” now you flipping tables and grabbing King’s leash?!? I can’t tell if it’s toxic masculinity or toxic stupidity, but it’s still one of my faves.

3. Usher – You Make Me Wanna

Pettiest lyric: Now what’s bad, is you’re the one that hooked us up/ Knowing it should’ve been you/ What’s sad is that I love her, but I’m falling for you

Where do I begin with this litany of lies and licentiousness? I picked this line because it makes the biggliest assumption ever! You’re assuming this girl hooked her close friend up with you while she had designs on you herself. Why Ursher? Why would she do that? What reason could she have had to do all that work to hook you up just to lust after you from afar? You said yourself she was like your best friend, so if she wanted you for herself, she could’ve had you, goof'ass lil boy!

4. Chante’s Got a Man – Chante Moore

Pettiest Lyric: “I’m sorry that, your man ain’t home. / I’m sorry that, yours left you alone.”

I’m not gonna leave the ladies out, we got some #pettyparticulars too! Chante comes with shade out the door. That “I’m sorry that” is rife with a level of condescension worthy of any wives/housewives franchise. I don’t care how much “I’m just sharing my story because it can happen to you too” scented perfume you spray on it, it still stinks like sending Judy upstairs on Family Matters to never be seen again. I don’t need your insincere apologies, boo. Save them for when you sitting on this side of the table with us (which actually happened not too long after the song peaked - #karma).

5. Avant – Separated

Pettiest Lyric: “I don’t wanna be with you, put that on everything I own!”

Now, I know you’re saying that there are pettier lines in this song, and you’re right! Between: “But I’m sick of your stupid ass and I know you’re tired of me,” and “If I never see you again I wont be mad at all” my feelings were hurt, frfr. However, the phrase “put that on everything I own” is what makes this line the winner. Bruh, I’m from the southside of Chicago and put that on everything is the opening salvo in what is sure to be a “slow singing and flower bringing” situation if it isn’t defused immediately! If Avant crooned “put that on err’thing I love” that girl would’ve been missing before the song was over. #facts

What songs make your #PettyPrinciplePlaylist hmm?